


Three Feet to the Left

by TDKeh16



Series: Tumblr Fics and Prompts [25]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Crack fic but totally probably happens at some point, Existential Crisis, Group Hugs, Samwell Men's Hockey Bros, Team Breakfast, bros being bros, lots of swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 14:20:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8059639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TDKeh16/pseuds/TDKeh16
Summary: Tango causes a team-wide existential crisis.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just a random thought that popped into my head while writing out the end of "Need to Know". Obviously these are linked because: needlenose pliers look like birds with long pointy beaks, which look like those old plague doctor masks, which decimated Europe and killed millions of people in the middle ages, which obviously made me think of the question that Tango asks below to create a team-wide existential crisis. Enjoy!

 "Do you ever think about how if the Black Death hadn't happened, none of us would exist?" Tango asks casually over team breakfast.

"What're you talking about, man?" Holster asks. Dex rolls his eyes because it is **too damn early** for this.

"Maybe your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother or whoever would have married the man next door, but he died. So she married a guy from one town over who survived instead, and now you exist."

"Whoa." Bitty drops his spoon.

"So somewhere down the line that happened to everyone's ancestors. If it didn't, none of us would be here. They would have had different kids."

"Dude, I just got chills."

Ransom clears his throat. "Not _everyone's_ ancestors, bro."

"But what about, like, the guy who built your parents' house in Toronto?"

"What?" Dex cannot help but join in now. "That can't have anything to do with--"

Nursey interrupts him by tapping vigorously on his shoulder. "No, shit dude, he's right!"

"We just got out of practice, are you fucking high already?"

"Like, if they didn't live in that _exact_ house, at that _exact_ time, maybe Rans would never have been conceived."

"Don't talk about my parents' sex life, bro."

Holster joins in again. "Bro, what if Toronto was settled by different people and ended up like, three feet to the left? So your exact house was never built? Or the dude who started the company that offered your dad the job in Canada was never born?"

"What if _Samwell_ was never built?" Tango asks.

"Or it was built three feet to the left?"

"If Samwell didn't exist, my parents would have never met!!!" Chowder announces.

"Dude, C, none of us would be _here_ right now."

"The plague was in China too. Your parents probably wouldn't have existed either." Whiskey quietly points out from the end of the table.

"!!!!"

They all exchange looks, contemplating all the tiny steps that lead to them simply existing.

"Dude, what would I do if I didn't have your smiling face to look at every day?" Nursey grins at Dex.

"Fuck off, Nurse."

The team finishes breakfast and leave the dining hall. They pause outside the doors and exchange looks again. Nobody moves.

"Does anyone else want to have a group hug right now, or is that just me?" Bitty asks.

Chowder is the first to grab him and the others all join in. Even Lardo and Whiskey get dragged in.

"If Samwell was built three feet to the left we'd all still be inside the dining hall right now." Someone points out.

"Fuck you, Holtzy."

"I didn't say that!"

"You brought up the 'three feet to the left' thing in the first place," Ransom insists.

"Whatever bro, I'm just so happy you exist."

"You too, bro. I'm glad your great-great-great-great-whatever grandma's neighbour died."

"I'm glad your parents banged in your _exact_ house and not five minutes later in a house three feet to the left!"

"Hey! Not cool!"

"I'm happy about that too," Bitty chimes in.

"Ditto," Lardo adds.

"Lot of fans of your parents' sex life here..." Nobody is sure who says it, but it's actually Whiskey.

"You can all go to hell now, thanks." Ransom groans.

"What if hell was three feet to the left??" Tango asks.

Everyone groans and disperses from the hug.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuses. I should not be allowed to write things ever haha


End file.
